Today, I’m over [HERE].
Today, I’m letting go of a hobby. Well, maybe hobby isn’t the right word.
Breastfeeding and I have gone our separate ways for good and we’ve finished our intermittent six year love-hate relationship. Milk, feedings were always hard for us to establish. As natural of an act as it is, each babe and I had to work at its rhythms to learn each other’s terrain and language. In all three relationships, I’ve shed a lot of tears with mastitis seven times. There were days when I felt trapped by nursing’s schedule and longed for solo time, days when I felt prisoner to an on-demand nurser. Bittersweet, then blue skies.
To count Olive’s pregnancy, it’s been 27 months since my body was all mine. It feels strange. I think back to the dark, sleepy moments of feeding and the opportunity to sit and stare at my babe’s toes, fingers and wispy hair patterns as they’ve each grown, authentically enjoying breastfeeding’s benefits and bondings.
Olive ended in as unique and as silly of a way as she truly is. She dwindled down to one morning feeding a day on only one side. She’d shake her head no and quickly close my shirt if I offered the pair. About a week ago, perched on my bed in the sunshine glow of a regular Tuesday she signed eat and please. As I unbuttoned my red flannel sock monkey pajama top, she signed eat, please and mumbled a dstairs [downstairs]. And with that I felt the curtain close. Olive is done nursing. It’s a skill, a pastime I’ve spent 47 months of doing both with and for my babes. It’s been my gift to them and I’m proud. Four days after Olive gave up the habit, obviously in a hormonal crash, I sat with my knees to my chest beneath window’s screen while Luke and the girls played outside. They don’t need me anymore, my head said. Lingering hormones were making me crazy.
This week, I wrote about my new running partner and how I’ve learned to call myself exactly that: a runner over at Today’s Mama.
I [Think] I am a Runner
…TWith playlist perfect and skies blue, my mind cleared. For the first time I got it. So many of my mommy pals run. My confidence grew in distance gained, my mood brightened. I finished all my thoughts and cleared a path for new ones. I wrote bits of this and that, then committed poetry, prose to memory. Before I knew it, I was home..…[Click HERE to read more]